Bio Cringe For Brendaniel
by LarsTheNachoman
Summary: For Brendaniel


Okay so i have a bunch of cringy shit from peoples bio, and ill paste it here and ill send it to brendaniel abd of course non of this repesents us ok it starts now

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Okay, If just got a pet rock here's how to take care of it: Your pet rock and you. Your pet rock will be a devoted friend and companion for many years to come. Rocks enjoy a rather long life span so the two of you will never have to part-at least not on your pet rock's account. Once you have transcended the awkward training stage your rock will mature into a faithful, obedient, loving pet with but one purpose in life-to be at your side when you want it to, and to go lie down when you don't. A pet rock is perfect for people who hate animals, are allergic to animals, or who are not allowed to keep animals. When you own a pet rock you haver have problems with leash law violations, you'll never have to clean up nasty messes, and your pet will haver keep you and the neighbors awake at night. Pet rocks are welcome anywhere! SECTION ONE Simple obedience. Come. It is essential that your pet rock learn this command. A rock that doesn't come when it's called will cause its owner endless embarassment. To teach the command COME, place your rock on the floor or ground and take a few steps backward. Next, bending over from the waist, place your hands upon your knees and face your rock. Now, with firm authority, say COME PEDRA. (If you have not named your rock Pedra you may wish to say something else.) Repeat the command, COME PEDRA. Assuming your rock is normal, it will probably now respond. Start again. Bending over from the waits, face your rock, clap your hands, and let your face light up as you cay, COME PEDRA, C'MON FELLA, HERE GIRL, and stuff like that. Now, start walking slowly towards your rock. Incredibly, as you walk toward your rock, you will notice that it actually is coming closer. This means your pet rock is learning to command, COME. Praise your rock and give it a pat of approval. Stay. The next command to teach your rock is STAY. It is very important that your pet rock learn this command as it is dosconcerting to have a rock that will wander around while you are shopping for groceries or having your hair done. Return to your training area and set your rock upon the floor or ground. Look at your rock intently, like you really mean business, and give the command, STAY. Surprisingly, most rocks have no difficulty learning this command and respond quite obediently the first time they hear it. Repeat the command, STAY, and slowly back away from your rock. If your rock should move, and this is highly unlikely, shout the command while gesturing dramatically with the palm of your outstretched hand. In no time at all your pet rock will be responding to this obedience command each and every time. With further patience you can train your rock to STAY by using only the hand signals. Sit. This is not a difficult command to teach a pet rock as most rocks spend the bulk of their time sitting around anyways. However, a refresher course is certainly in order since you will want your rock to sit when you want it to, not when it wants to. Place your rock in its training area and give the command, SIT. Many rocks will attempt to deceive you by lying down, thinking that you won't know the difference. This should not be encouraged! If you say, SIT, then your rock should sit, and that's all there is to it. Here is a simple method to ensure your pet rock always obeys your commands: Repeat the order, SIT, and slowly walk away from your rock. Now, hide in another room and, from time to time, peek in on your rock to make sure it hasn't moved. If it lies down, when it should be sitting, storm into the room and shout, BAD ROCK, BAD ROCK! Your pet rock will know it has displeased you and will return to the sitting position. It will also know who's the boss! Once your pet rock learns the command, SIT, add the command, STAY. Your rock will now remain sitting until further notice. Down. It would be cruel to leave your rock in the sitting position forever. Therefore, it is necessary that you teach it the command, DOWN. After sitting for a long period of time your rock will appreciate the chance to relax. It is also nice, when you have house guests, to own a pet rock that will lie, unobtrusively and lovingly, at your feet. Teaching the command, DOWN, is best accomplished in conjunction with the command, SIT. After your pet rock has been in the sitting position for a while, give it the command, DOWN. If you've made a big fuss about your rock sitting properly it may be reluctant to move. Place your foot upon your rock and push it firmly into the carpet or dirt. It won't take long before your rock understands what you want it to do. DOWN is another of the training commands that most rocks respond to with a minimum of teaching. It is in a pet rock's nature that it learns to get down so easily. Praise your rock and give it a gently, reassuring hug. Stand. You're a little confused if you think a pet rock can be taught to STAND. A rock has no feet. Heel. It is extremely unusual to see a rock strolling around unaccompanied. There's a very good reason for this. Most pet rock owners have had the patience and good judgment to teach the command, HEEL. To teach your pet rock to HEEL, simply follow these easy steps. First, place your pet rock on the floor or ground directly behind your right heel. Next, give the command, HEEL, and stand aboslutely still. Slowly, without moving your feet, turn and look down at your rock. You will be both pleased and amazed to see it is still there, right where you want it to be, directly behind your right heel. Your pet rock has learned the command. Praise your rock. SECTION TWO Amusing Tricks. Few pets are more anxious to please their masters than are pet rocks. It is surprisingly easy to teach your rock cute little tricks that will entertain you and your friends for hours. Roll Over. Your pet rock will learn this trick the very first time you give it a lesson. That statement may be hard to believe but it is, nevertheless, quite true. The best place to teach your pet rock to ROLL OVER is on the side of a hill. Place your rock on the ground at the top of a hill and give the command, ROLL OVER. Now, let go of your rock. It's that simple! Your rock will roll end-over-end and will not stop until it tires of the game. Pet rocks usually get tired of the game when they reach the bottom of the hill. Follow your rock and praise it profusely. This praise will make your pet rock very happy and it will repeat the trick as soon as you return it to the top of the hill. You will tire of this trick long before your pet rock does. Play Dead. Your pet rock will take to this trick like a duck takes to water. It is one of the most entertaining tricks a rock can learn, and a trick that is sure to get many affectionate laughs and approving glances from you and your friends. Take your pet rock to its training area and, when you have its undivided attention, give the command, PLAY DEAD. If your rock is like most rocks it will not have to be told more than once. Immediately, it will go completely stiff as though rigor mortis has set in, and will remain in this posture until you give a different command. Rocks enjoy this trick so much that often, when you're not even looking, they'll actually practice it on their own. It's not unusual to walk into a room and see a pet rock playing dead. Shake Hands. Don't be ridiculous. You can't teach a rock to shake hands. Fetch. To teach your pet rock to FETCH, throw a stick or a ball as far as you can. Next, throw your pet rock as far as you can. Rarely, if ever, will your pet rock return with the object, but that's the way it goes. Attack Training. A rock is a loyal, devoted pet that can easily be trained to protect you and your family. Woe be to the burglar or prowler who ventures into the home guarded by a pet rock-or the mugger who attempts to accost a pet rock's master. There are two basic attack methods to teach your pet rock. 1.) Long Distance Attacks 2.) Close Range Attacks Long Distance Attacks. In those instances when your adversary is at a distance (such as when a bully kicks sand in your face on the beach and keeps on running), your pet rock will respond to the challenge instantly and effectively in assuring that it never happens again. First, wipe the sand from your eyes. Next pick up your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK!, and throw your rock at the bully with all your might. This method of protection is sure-fire and results are guaranteed, although you may want to practice your aim before attempting this maneuver. Close Range Attacks. If you are threateded at close range always use the Close Range Attack Method; it is the ultimate form of personal protection. The element of surprise enters into this attack method, thereby making it doubly effective. When the adversary approaches within arm's length and demands all your money, credit cards, and other valuables follow these easy steps: Reach into your pocket or purse as though you were going to comply with the mugger's demands. Extract your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK. And bash the mugger's head in. Pet rocks really seem to enjoy this exercise and, in most cases, come away from the attack little the worse for wear. NOTE: Owners of Attack Trained pet rocks have a responsibility to society to use their dangerous pets for protection only, and not for instigating trouble of any kind. In closing... As the owner of a pet rock you have assumed a responsibility to love and care for this new addition to your family. If your rock should misbehave, be it should cause your problems, be forgiving. Under no circumstances should you turn your pet rock loose. The world is already overcrowded with discarded, unwanted rocks, and millions must be destroyed each year. These poor, unfortunate rocks meet brutal ends in roadbeds, cement mixers, or as land fill. Don't allow your pet rock to meet an untimely demise at the bottom of an obscure pile of rubble. Remember; if you take care of your pet rock, your pet rock will take care of you. If you used this to train your pet rock, or this encouraged you to adopt a rock, copy it and add your name- Qille, DidSomeoneSayDipperPines and Copper (my peacock copper rock), Ender Falls, NakedStache ok, IGNORE THE BELOW STORY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR PARANOIA! if you have that...just skip this! Okay, so there were 3 girls. They were looking through peoples MySpaces. The girl slowly came upon this one myspace. It had creatures in the background and the man looked like a psycho. She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was. Right then, an instant message came said: SatanStalker: So how do u like my MySpace? XxLoVemExX: What? XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway? SatanStalker: Well, you should know; youre looking at my MySpace right now. XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro? SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace. XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make any sense, how? SatanStalker: I just do. Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you. Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say. At the time the girl was wearing high shorts. She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what ever she could. Her and her friend started to get worried now. XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me. SatanStalker: You should be afraid. SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you just said about me with your friend like a minute ago. They were in shock. Her friend: Holy crap man just block him hes a fcking psycho! The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes watching us? SatanStalker: I am. SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me from coming to your house. XxLoVemExX: What? My house? SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its not a problem. XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out. SatanStalker: Your screen name says love me, trust me that wont be a problem. SatanStalker has just signed off. The girl and her friend were really scared. Girls Friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone. They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight. All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok. Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up. She goes and knocks but no one said anything She opens it and finds her friend there on the ground dead. She started to scream but when she turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom; Her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head. If you do not repost this in the next two minutes here will be three men, one in your bathroom, One in your room, and one killing your parents at that very moment. Top 66 Most Annoying Things to Do In an Elevator 1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. 5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on; ask if they have an appointment. 9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15. Swat at flies that don't exist. 16. Tell people that you can see their aura. 17. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it. 18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" 27. Put police tape in front of the door before entering. 28. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you. 29. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved. 30. Throw a rave. 31. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei." 32. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral". 33. Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again. 34. Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'" 35. Have a heated debate with yourself. 36. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers. 37. Drum on every available surface. 38. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter. 39. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers. 40. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them. 41. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it. 42. Propose to the other passengers. 43. Challenge people to duels. 44. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 45. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..." 46. Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror. 47. Shout "Food fight!" 48. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!" 49. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 50. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back. 51. Elevators were practically MADE for river dance! 52. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!" 53. Shave. 54. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat. 55. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection. 56. Practice your kung fu. 57. Make race car noises when people get on and off. 58. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?" 59. Fly a model airplane. 60. Do yoga. 61. Play the accordion 62. Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat. 63. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit. 64. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone. 65. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure." 66. Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word 37 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer. 32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting. 33. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 34. Tell people that you can see their aura. 35. When the doo (oops erased it!) Try Not To Cry"- Seriously, if your eyes don't at least get a little misty when you read this you have a problem. Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye. I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Matt; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Matt, I'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you" So, Please if you would, Don't smash this on the ground. If you pass this on, Maybe people will cry and remember how blessed they truly are, Just keep this in your heart, For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try Not To Cry" 2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are... it ok to cry that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions) My name is Tiffany I am three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't do a wrong I can't speak at all Or else im locked up All day long. When im awake im all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice, So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's bar. I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault He suffers at work. He slaps and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And run to the door He's already locked it And i start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken, "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much to late His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain Again and again O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door While i lay there motionless Brawled on the floor My name is tiffany I am three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me And you can help Sickens me top the soul, And if you read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness Because you would have to be One heartless person To not be effected By this Poem And because you are effected, Do something about it! So all i ask you to do Is pass this on! Now The Bigger Copy and paste section Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge!If you are really random put this on your profile. If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile. If your found copy and paste stuff that you copy and pasted off of NakedStache on copy and paste this into your proflie Top 10 Gravity falls Charcters: Gravity Falls 1. Dipper 2. Stan 3. Mable 4. Wendy 5. Soos 6. Robbie 7. Pacifica 8. Candy 9. Waddles 10. Gideon Internet friends By: THExDRA9ONxINxR3D I made this story up, but it doesn't mean it didn't happen to someone Hello. My name is Thomas and I made an internet friend. It was about two years ago. My parents were constantly arguing and it drove me nuts. My little brother would always be in his room trying to drown out the yelling with the TV or crying. They wouldn't even notice. They'd just keep yelling. I never knew what they were saying. I was usually trying to comfort my brother. One day, I was left home alone. Mom had to bring my brother to the dentist and dad was a work. I had recently got a computer and I wanted to mess with it. I turned it on, edited the setting, and got a Facebook. That was my first mistake. Facebook. I posted that my parents were always fighting and I didn't know what to do. After about ten minuets of watching some guy named PewDiePie, someone responded to my post. Jacob was his name. He said his parents were doing the same thing and they were about to get a divorce. And I replied. My second mistake. I said it's good to have someone that understands what I'm going through. After that, we just talked and talked and talked. Day after day. Week after Week. One day, he asked if I could meet up with him. We did live in the same city. I thought it would be nice to meet him In person. I said sure and asked where. He said he would pick me up in a car down the street tomorrow and to tell my parents that I was going to a friends house. I went right along with it. The next day, I told my parents I was going to a friends house. They didn't even ask any questions. So, I left the house and went to the corner. The car wasn't there, so I started texting him. He said he would be there in five minuets and five minuets later he was there. He rolled up in a brown Jaguar. He looked older then he said he was. He said to get in and I did. My last mistake. He drove me to his house and... I don't feel comfortable talking about what happened next. I lost my since of safety, I lost my since of trust, and I lost something no one can get back. He told me not to tell anyone what happened and he wouldn't hurt me. He let me go. I ran home and told my parents what happened. He's currently in jail for forty years. He might be gone, but the memories aren't. FIN Be careful about who you befriend on the internet. They could be a pedophile, an identity thief, or something worse. Just because act like you, have the same problems as you, and like everything you like, doesn't mean they're telling the truth. If you copy and paste, please remember to give me credit. The story (above) is made by THExDRAG9ONxINxR3D on Fanfiction. PLEASE note that. Thanks! Funny labels and warnings On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) Ways to Annoy people at the cinema: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending. If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile. 50 OR SO AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU! 1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.) 2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously. 3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask" DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?" very loudly. 4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, "wow I can tell you're a blast at parties" 5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream " THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!" 6. Flick pieces of paper around the class. 7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, "Your racist against paper aren't you." 8. Don't do your Homework. 9. When your teacher asks you why you didn't do your homework say "I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever." then sit there and smile sweetly. 10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say "PROVE IT!" 11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, "My goldfish died." Then burst into tears. 12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom. 13. When you leave the class bow and say, "May the force be with you, young one." 14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused. 15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream "OMG GET AWAY!" 16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena 17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room 18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says 19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow 20. Speak in French. 21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance" 22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well 23. "The homework's due now? Oh, give me a minute then." 24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt. 25. Run in the room screaming, "THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!" 26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, "The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early." 27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, "I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you." 28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream "AAH MY EYES!" 29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads. 30. Hide under your desk and yell "THE SKY IS FALLING!" 31. When someone knocks on the door, shout "OH NO, THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!" 32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he's your new pet. 33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb. 34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them. 35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice. 36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it. 37. If you're playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win. 38. Glue all their scissors together. 39. Make paperclip jewelery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc… 40. Pull out one strand of someone's hair and yell "DNA!" 41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says, 'Hello, my name is Bob the Builder.' 42. Talk to a pen. 43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what's wrong, yell "NO I WON'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!" 44. Yell "LIAR!" to everything they say. 45. Smile. All the time. 46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, IT'S SPREADING!" 47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say 'Your worst Nightmare' 48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!" 49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks. 50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song. 51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her! 52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught! 53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!" 54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!" 55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder! 56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats! 57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart! 58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. They must have found the body! HELP!" 59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!" 60. If you find a pencil on the floor, jump onto a desk, hold up the pencil, and yell, "LITTERING IS WRONG! WHOEVER DROPPED THIS MUST BE PUNISHED!" Then run around the room singing in a foreign language. 4 ways to be KICKED out of a supermarket: HILARIOUS ! #1: If you can, write "I see dead people..." on the typewriters. #2: Unwrap all the chocolate bars saying,"I've got to find that golden ticket.." #3: Put a Dora The Explorer doll in the middle of the store and if someone tries to pick it up, jump out and say,"SWIPER NO SWIPING!" #4: Throw Skittles at people and shout, "Taste the Rainbow!" 7 Ways to Scare your roommates 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..." 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." 16 ways to perplex, confuse or just scare people in a Computer Lab 1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour. 4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily. 5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk. 8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on. 10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously. 11. Type on Chatroullette for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing. 12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting. 13. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes. 14. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!" and continue working. 15. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again. 16. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work. Repost this: crazy1 86: hey baby! h0tNsPiCy91: who is this? crazy1 86: ur secret admirer! h0tNsPiCy91: oh really... quit lyin! who is this? crazy1 86: i loved u the first time a stared in your eyes... crazy1 86: i think about u everyday... you are my dream come true. crazy1 86: we met once! i dont think u remember tho. crazy1 86: i cut myself because the pain takes away my feelings of u. crazy1 86: u will see me sometime tonight... h0tNsPiCy91: ..WHO IS THIS!? crazy1 86:don't worry... ill take very good care of you... crazy1 86 had signed off. The girl was so scared she locked all her doors and windows. She made sure her room was secured. She wasn't sure if it was a joke or for real. She didn't know when he was going to come. The girl was so frightened she decided to sleep with her little sister. The girl dozed off quickly. Then she heard a knock on the window. The girl slowly walked to the window. It started knocking louder. The girl looked through the windows and saw nothing... just some of the tree branches. The girl went back to bed with her sister. The bed was wet and had a pretty horrid smell. Maybe her sister wet the bed... the girl checked and found blood everywhere. The girl panicked. She didn't know what to do. She ran and hid in the closet in case the killer was there for her. While looking through the cracks of the closet the girl saw a shadow. It was dark, so she couldn't figure out who it was. She started to get more frightened. The shadow crept closer to the closet. The girl closed her eyes as if it was a dream. Then suddenly he opened the closet door and pulled her out. Her parents found her dead the next morning. She was completely skinned and hanging in her sister's closet. The younger sister was also found skinned and dead. PART 2... Two years after the Smith sisters deaths, the parents had a baby boy. The girl's room became a guest room and the little sister's room where the murder took place became the baby's room. The baby grew up to be a successful kid. One night he was on the computer and received an instant message. h0tNsPiCy91: Hey lil bro! 2seXay4u: Who the eff is this? h0tNsPiCy91: It's your big sis. 2seXay4u: I never had a sister. I'm an only child. 2seXay4u: This is some kinda joke, huh? h0tNsPiCy91: Mom and dad never told you? h0tNsPiCy91: I died 15 years ago with your other older sister. h0tNsPiCy91: We were murdered in your room which was once my little sister's room. She was killed in bed when I was sleeping. I was killed in the closet and skinned to death. 2seXay4u: Quit lying. I never had a sister. If I did my parents would have told me. Whatever. Your stupid. h0tNsPiCy91: You don't believe me? Well if you wanna look in your closet floor. h0tNsPiCy91: I carved my name and the time and date I was being murdered. Then I carved my little sister's name. h0tNsPiCy91: If you don't believe me little brother check the internet. Google on ''Smith sisters murdered anonymously''. h0tNsPiCy91: I gtg little brother. I love you and mom and dad soo much. I can't believe they kept us a secret from you. They should burn in hell. The boy checked the closet. He saw the carvings. Was it true? He surfed the internet and information was there about the anonymous murder in the house. The next morning the boy went downstairs. It was so quiet. Maybe his parents were sleeping. Hours later the boy found his parents in their closet skinned and hanged. Then he found more carvings on the ground. They said ''I TOLD YOU I WASN'T LYING LITTLE BROTHER, I LOVED MOM AND DAD... BUT THEY KEPT ME A SECRET. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WELL I'M FREE FROM THIS COLD WORLD, I WON'T HURT YOU LIKE I HURT THEM. I LOVE YOU!" - LISA SMITH This is a death chain letter. If you don't repost this in the next hour, the parents will kill you at night. They will kill you! I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with books who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, secilmis yazar, Holly Marie Fowl, cutiekatec, captainameliagirl, edger230 This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Gosh, now I'm scared, so here it is They hurt her..." About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. BOYS SHOULDN'T CHEAT! There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack. Jack was the most popular guy in school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did! Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies. Courtney tried to steal Jack away everytime she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything...what movie theatre and what time. Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. she watched them get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre. Courtney told jack "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied "heck yes." Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing. The next day at school Ashley wasn't there. For the next few days Ashley wasn't there. A week later her mother found her in her closet dead... she commited suicide because she had loved Jack so much. Next to ashley's dead body was a note. A note that read: My dearest Jack, I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me. I really loved you Jack. I died for you just like Jesus died for us. Always with you, Ashley Please foward this or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney. Thank you.


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